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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Secrets OUT into the SKY!

Somewhere out there, there is a woman that quietly takes care of her children while processing in silence her thoughts. Somewhere out there, there is a strong woman that does not let curved balls affect her path. Somewhere out there, there is a brave soul that endures sadness without anyone seeing a tear… Have you ever met one of them? I have, but they seem to be part of another time and another world…Why can’t I be one of them?

In days like today, I simply cannot breathe easily, walk calmly, or for that matter enjoy my blessings without feeling a burning whole eating me from the inside out. I want to scream what I have been dragging inside, I want to say STOP! And like a little child simply cry and cry until there are no more tears, to then receive that loving hug of a mother and the reassurance that everything will be all right.

I had decided to be a wife and a mother until death do us apart, but my family has been touched by an agonizing and deteriorating situation that has robbed us from that.

Thanks to my loving God I have three beautiful, healthy and active children, but I have lost the husband I vowed to love, not to death, but nonetheless lost him to something stronger than I.

How do I explain to my children that Dad still loves them? It is hard when they wait and wait and he doesn’t come back. How do I fill the gap left by his absence? I am just one person already weary and tired. How do I keep up without feeling the world collapsing at my feet? How do I gather energies to love and care for them appropriately when I feel I am running in low?

I wish I could control my pain, turn it off and put it away as I do with loud electronics. I wish my kids did not have to see the sadness in my eyes or the emotional exhaustion that sometimes eats my soul.

Today, I am just feeling my feelings and voicing them the best way I can. Through my silent words loudly up into the sky. I have to speak up without shame or remorse. I have to LET GO AND LET GOD control my future and fill my heart with his love. I know He will carry me through this in spite of my doubts and I must believe He will overflow my children’s heart with the joy only He can give. For now, I will slow down and quiet my soul to gather strengths from the right source and continue to be the mother my kids need me to be.


Keep It Classy, Jen 6/9/09, 11:29 PM  

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way but know that someone hears you...I am listening. Not sure what happened with your husband but I am sorry. You have support here with us!

Chic Mommy USA 6/10/09, 4:18 PM  

:) thanks! great to meet you all!

Shynea @ Penny Pinching Diva 7/4/09, 5:18 PM  


This post touches my heart because I know how you feel. I too have been through divorce. My two oldest sons have not seen their father in over two years. That marriage was abusive. Both physically and emotionally, and even though I know it was better to get out it still doesn't ease the hurt of knowing that my children will be the ones to suffer the most from this decision.

Even though that was more then three years ago, and I am in a new relationship that doesn't stop me from asking why? At first I was angry that God would bring someone so terrible into my life, only to have my children hurt in the end. Even with this new relationship, through all the ups and downs, I know that there is a chance that the love we have for each other now may not always be permanent. I am still prepared to be a single mother if need be.

I am so sorry to see that you are going through this hurt and pain, but I am always here to listen to you if you need someone to talk to. I have been through it all, every up and down imaginable and I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you if you need me.

Take care and don't ever hesitate to contact me if you need to talk.

Take care and much love,

Mother Earth Healing Herbs | Oils 7/25/09, 8:23 AM  

Thanks so much for all that you do! You are a very strong woman, despite
your pain!
I'm sorry you are going through this, and sorry the kids are feeling this pain.
Thank God they have a strong and informed Mom like you!
And I thank God for you too! Your Friday shows bring a lot of information to us!
Many Blessings,

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